As a single-father, Raymond Vega tries to gain as much information as he can to help his teen-age daughter Gevalia, who has autism.

"Every workshop or group I ever attended over the last few years is dominated by women," Raymond said. "I've heard them talk about their kids and their husbands."

But that changed recently when Raymond joined YAI's Shoulder-to-Shoulder support group for fathers and male caregivers. The group meets monthly on the 2nd Wednesday of each month at YAI's Central Office in Manhattan and is open to men residing in New York City. "I have a place now where I can go and get information," Raymond said. “The group is awesome. I'm sharing information to help others and I'm learning from them, too."

Raymond recalls holding Gevalia in the hospital after birth. "She was adorable," he said. Eighteen months later, came an autism diagnosis. And like many fathers, "it shattered my world," he said. "Instead of going into denial or asking, 'why,' I decided I have to do everything I can to help her."

Gevalia is a spunky 13-year-old, who enjoys singing and can memorize a song in no time, her proud father says. 

Sometimes egos can get in the way for some men. "We're reluctant to ask for help or seek support," Raymond added.

Justin Stanford, Behavioral Intervention Specialist with, said that men feel more comfortable sharing their feelings when talking among themselves and without being judged. Shoulder to Shoulder provides that environment and allows them also to discuss challenging behaviors. As the facilitator, Justin provides the men with tools to help them interact with their children in a positive way. "They are in a place where they are comfortable knowing they can bring up any issues or share any experiences with the group," Justin said.  

Raymond is extremely involved in Gevalia's school and also advocated for the Lower East Side Girls Club to accept children with special needs. "Gevali keeps me going," he said. "I keep educating myself. Spreading awareness is my goal."

Logan's Dad

Allen Rosen offers this advice to fathers of children with special needs.

"Have a lot of patience. Have a thick skin. Focus on the positives."

Allen is the father of three, including 18-year-old Logan, who has multiple disabilities. He recalled more than 15 years ago, when he and his wife learned about the New York League for Early Learning's William O'Connor School in Bay Ridge. The nurturing environment not only helped Logan, but also guided Allen and his wife, Robin, in accessing the services they needed to support their son.

Now, as Logan approaches 21, when he will transition to adult services, the Rosens are turning to YAI once again. 

"When Logan turned 18 last year our world changed," Allen said, referring to the shift from a system where services are easier to access to the adult system, where individuals must be eligible for supports. "We needed to find a service coordinator to help us navigate through and assist us in obtaining all of the resources. We turned to YAI, and they answered the call!  Year later, YAI is once again supporting Logan and our family."

Logan enjoys spending time with his family, especially his brother Grayson, 13. They celebrated their bar mitzvahs last year. He also likes playing and watching soccer on TV. He loves music, especially the Beatles. "He likes different songs at different times with different people," Allen said.

Allen recalls a message he heard long ago at Logan's preschool. "We were told we would always be a part of the YAI family," Allen said, "and YAI has lived up to that."